But, things were a little too hectic this year. Fall has been a mean killing season here and I also had a client pass away for medical reasons, so it's been a busy fall, though it has definitely settled down in the last 3 weeks. Family-wise, I feel that we are finally settling into a pretty happy rhythm. M is more and more lovely as the days pass and she becomes more expressive and her personality manifests itself. Today, I was home sick with her, but she is the most tranquil, easygoing sick person I have ever met and just oozes love. Are all babies this way? Do they all love so easily and with such abandon and sincerity and lack of guile before the world hardens them? Do we all start out this way?
I have been pondering a lot lately whether we should have another baby or just stop with M. . . .on the one hand, she is perfection and we really could not do any better than her, so maybe we should stop while we're ahead. Given my post-partum issues, it could be a lot better for our family's stability, Peter's and my relationship, and my sanity. It would also mean relative financial ease in our lives. On the other hand, there is nothing like a new, new baby asleep on your chest, with their little mouth open in the shape of a tent. And, I wonder about whether M will be lonely in the world without a sib? But, what if she hates her sib? It could go either way. In any case, it is not an urgent question--we are definitely on the slow road, if we are even on the road at all. . .but, it is a question that I will be glad to have settled whenever the answer becomes manifest. It goes around and around in my head. . . .
In other news, my birthday was lame--stomach flu, presents that didn't work, a failure to look on the positive side of things on my part. . .but, I still think I'm going to have a good year. Inspired by my friend Indu, I am treating my birthday as my own personal new year. For that reason, I have exercised more in the last week than I probably have in the last three months. (I took my first zumba class ever. ..so fun!!!) I hope it can stay that way. I am also trying to be influenced by Peter, who has taken up meditation lately (to good effect!), and have started to read up on happiness and spirituality. I have gone my whole life, thus far, with an extremely sensitive way of being in the world. The most obvious and inconvenient manifestation of this is that I cry, I think, a lot more than other people. When I was 8, the kids in my class used to call me "Sobbin' Robyn." (this was back when Garbage Pail Kids were popular) This sensitivity has been with me my whole life and I have always known that I get more easily upset by things that other people would probably let roll off their backs. Mostly, I have just embraced this as a personality trait with strengths and gifts to offer, as well as weaknesses--for example, I don't think I would have chosen my current career if I weren't more fundamentally bothered by stuff that happens in our world than other people. On the other hand, I have seen how my crying can be alarming to Ms. M and I think I need to work on being a bit more resilient. For this reason, I am working on that in the coming year, and/or better monitoring and controlling my stress levels. . . .so far, the self-help, spiritual, Oprah-esque reading I've been doing is better and far more thought-provoking than I expected. I will let you know how it goes. Send any good news or ideas you might have. . .I hope you're having a great October!!! xo, r:)
(Pictures, in random order: Feeding ducks; Sidewalk chalk; Sandbox with Mama; With Daddy and Uncle Robbie; Girl on the Go (at the Playground)
